Parts That Speak My Language: Why Neurodivergent Therapists Are Drawn to Internal Family Systems (IFS)Therapy

A Shared Conversation on Parts and Practice

1. Introduction: A Therapist with Many Parts

As a neurodivergent therapist, I’ve often felt the unspoken expectation to filter or mask parts of myself in clinical spaces shaped by neurotypical norms. When I first read about Internal Family Systems (IFS), something clicked. It didn’t just make theoretical sense; it felt intuitive. Familiar. I had always sensed my masking part working hard, and I had felt my exiled parts too; those pieces of me pushed down or hidden away. IFS gave me language for what I had always experienced but had never known how to articulate.

Interest in the IFS model is growing rapidly across therapy communities, and I began to notice that many of the people I met in training or group settings carried neurodivergent labels. Again and again, I heard variations of the same sentiment: “This is the first model that fits me.” That made me wonder. “Why does IFS feel so different, and why does it feel so right for my system”?

In this piece of writing, I want to explore how and why this model speaks so directly to neurodivergent experience, especially for those of us in the therapist’s chair. While I draw on my own experience, I have also included the voices of other neurodivergent clinicians who shared with me what they find affirming in IFS.

2. A Model That Sees You: Non-Pathologising and Compassionate by Design

IFS is a model that honours internal multiplicity. It sees every part as welcome and assumes that each one is trying to help in its own way. It invites Self-energy to lead, drawing on qualities like curiosity, calm, clarity, compassion, confidence, courage, creativity, and connectedness.

Rather than pathologising pain or difference, IFS offers a way of understanding our internal world with respect and care. It does not label parts as disordered or dysfunctional. Even when parts seem chaotic, avoidant, self-sabotaging, or extreme, the model assumes they are working hard to protect us. It approaches even the most shamed or reactive parts with kindness and curiosity. The goal is not to silence or fix, but to build a relationship of trust.

For me, IFS made intuitive sense. It matched the way my mind already worked. It embraced my complexity and welcomed the many internal voices that spoke all at once. It made space for nuance, contradiction, intensity, and even my chaos! As IFS therapist Sarah Sproule puts it:

“Parts work has been like finding a world that is easy to navigate, a world built for me, built for the way my brain works.” - Sarah Sproule

This approach speaks to many neurodivergent therapists. We may have spent years feeling misunderstood or labelled within psychological or medical systems. IFS does not ask us to justify or explain our inner world to fit someone else’s expectations. It tells us there is no wrong way to think, feel, or be. There are only parts that carry burdens and parts that try to protect us.

“Nothing is wrong with me. And now I can see my traits, it’s opened up a galaxy that’s exciting and sparkly and I love it.” - Natasha Wilson

IFS affirms that our internal world has value and wisdom, just as it is. For neurodivergent therapists who have often been told they are too emotional, too intense, too chaotic, or simply not enough, this model offers something different. It says: you are not broken. Your system is working hard to keep you afloat and survive, and that matters.

3. No Need to Mask or Suppress Natural Responses

Many autistic and ADHD therapists have learned to mask natural behaviours early in life: hiding stims, forcing eye contact, or suppressing sensory overwhelm. In professional settings, masking can become a double bind. It helps us appear regulated, but it also leads to exhaustion and burnout.

Traditional therapy models often feel like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. They may rely on emotional neutrality, linear thinking, or a particular kind of social presentation that feels unnatural, exhausting or even harmful. These expectations can lead to shame, especially for therapists who are struggling themselves with executive functioning, emotion regulation, or who have been told they are “not enough or too much.”

“Previous therapy left me wondering and confused. Also quite damaging as therapists didn’t spot my ND, and I didn’t fit their models of therapy. I was the weird one in the group.” - Natasha Wilson

IFS values authenticity. It invites therapists to bring their whole selves into the room. Sensory sensitivity, intense emotions, difficulty with social scripts, rapid shifts in attention are all part of how neurodivergent minds process experience. IFS meets these realities with understanding, not judgment.

This model offers a different message. It reminds me that we are already whole. All our parts are welcome. Our ability to hold complexity, including the complexity within ourselves, is not a weakness but a strength. This model embraces the ongoing, sometimes messy process of growth and healing for both therapists and clients.

Rather than striving to be perfectly regulated or fully “fixed, IFS invites therapists to bring their full, authentic selves to the room. This opens up space for deeper connection, more compassion, and a more genuine therapeutic relationship.

4. Structured but Flexible: Clarity and Creativity in Balance

IFS follows a clear internal structure. It includes steps like unblending, asking for permission, witnessing, and unburdening. This internal logic can be incredibly grounding for neurodivergent therapists, especially those who appreciate clarity, predictability, and a sense of order. Knowing what comes next in the process can offer safety and confidence and it helps reduce the cognitive load. The steps are consistent enough to build trust in the process, even when the content is emotionally intense or unexpected.

“In this world each part has a clear job or position, emotion, action or non-action plan, or thought about any difficult situation I might be facing. My Inside World can bring a lot of clarity to what is going on once I am introduced to all the parts that are involved.” - Sarah Sproule

At the same time, the model allows for a huge amount of creative freedom. There is no need to rush or push for change. Therapists can stay with a single part for as long as needed. Clients can speak out loud, write, draw, use metaphor or image, sensation or silence. They can invite clients to speak to parts out loud, write to them, or simply notice what arises. This freedom is not a departure from the model but built into it; the model is spacious and respectful of how each person’s process unfolds.

This balance is rare. IFS offers both structure and flexibility. It gives us a map, but it also gives us permission to explore. We don’t have to choose between rigid protocol and intuitive flow. We can hold both.

My ADHD brain very much appreciates the combination of structure and permission for creativity that the IFS protocol provides. The theory of IFS and the logical steps of the protocol provide a helpful framework, but within that structure there is so much freedom too. For me, learning to use the IFS model has been learning the steps of a dance, it can feel clunky at first. But now I have embodied the model, I can flow effortlessly with the unique music of each client’s system. - Phil de la Haye

IFS gives us tools to work in ways that align with how our minds already function. It is both orderly and expansive. For me that feels like home.

5. Beyond Words: Making Space for Neurodivergent Communication

Many neurodivergent therapists may not always connect through standard talk therapy methods. I can process the world through images, sensations, metaphors, movement, or silence rather than through words. IFS makes room for all of these. It does not rely solely on verbal insight or dialogue. It welcomes internal dialogue, felt sense, creative expression, and intuitive knowing. As IFS Therapist Jude Carn shares:

I love it when my clients draw, move, use AI or whatever metaphor or imagery or felt sense that works for them, in supporting their enquiry. This is often the first time they’ve been supported in trusting themselves and their own instincts in therapy, rather than being forced to be fitted into a model or protocol that may or may not work for their internal and external communication styles - Jude Carn

IFS also gives us tools to support clients who communicate in non-traditional ways. It allows the therapy process to unfold through whatever channel makes sense for that person, whether spoken or not. This makes the work more accessible and more attuned. It allows us to meet clients in the ways they naturally express themselves. And it allows us, as therapists, to bring our own communication style into the room without apology.

With IFS, I don’t need my client to clearly articulate every aspect of their internal world, and I am not reliant on “and how did that make you feel?” as the only question. We are not forcing our clients to put it all into a language we can understand, although helpful, that isn’t the point. As long as I can be with my client, witnessing and guiding them getting to know themselves, even if that process happens without words, that’s OK. Jude Carn

Using IFS, neurodivergent therapists can see their own way of thinking and sensing the world as a strength. The model helps us accept complexity and be curious about all parts of ourselves and our clients, making therapy more real and helpful.

6. I’m Allowed to Be Neurosparkly

Many therapy models encourage therapists to be neutral, restrained, or emotionally controlled. For neurodivergent therapists, that can feel like being asked to perform. We may be expressive, highly sensitive, or physically reactive. We may fidget, stim, or feel other people’s emotions in our own bodies. Everything I feel is written on my face! In some settings, we are asked to tone this down to perform professionally. IFS is different.

IFS invites our full presence. It welcomes the qualities of Self such as calm, curiosity, clarity, compassion but does not demand emotional flatness. It doesn’t ask us to override our somatic systems or shut down our non-speaking parts. It tells us that our presence, just as it is, can be trusted. My experience echoes that of Jude:

I no longer have to sit there and count the times I’ve crossed and uncrossed my legs and try to keep my hands still; I can just be there fully with my client. The longer I have been doing IFS, the more I forget what it was like to work as a masked and flat therapist before (a largely unsuccessful project anyway, given my expressive hands and face!). This is so natural to me now that it sometimes surprises clients when I say I have a million thoughts going at once, or I need to pause because my brain is processing information faster than my mouth can speak. The moment of surprise is always then followed with a comment like: “When you do that, it reminds me that it's OK to do that too”. - Jude Carn

My inner world is active all the time, even in sleep. In other models, that intensity might be seen as a sign of pathology. But in IFS, it’s part of the richness I bring. I’m not expected to be fully Self-led at all times. I can notice when my perfectionist part wants to perform, or when a younger part gets stirred. I can relate to those parts with kindness, not suppression.

Natasha Wilson puts it beautifully:

“I feel like with IFS I’m more transparent and admit to my own parts. I’m not a ‘perfect, one-up, know-all-the-answers’ therapist. I’m working more side by side. It feels more like a circle than a ladder. I love my work. I feel more connected and compassionate. Less exhausted. My needing-to-fix parts can relax.” - Natasha Wilson

Phil de la Haye adds:

Letting my clients know that I have parts too (and sometimes ones that do or say similar things to theirs) can be wonderfully normalising and freeing for both sides. Parts are normal. We all have them. This type of authenticity and congruence feels very liberating for me as a therapist. - Phil de la Haye

IFS allows me to be a therapist without needing to become someone else. I do not need to translate my way of being into a neurotypical script. I can be fully, beautifully neurosparkly and still do deep, connected, transformative work.

7. Autonomy, Consent, and Deep Respect

IFS is grounded in the belief that healing comes from within. The therapist does not diagnose or fix. Instead, we support the client’s relationship with their own parts. Every step is guided by consent. Before approaching a vulnerable part, we check with the protectors. Before unburdening, we ask whether the system is ready. Nothing is rushed or imposed.

For neurodivergent therapists, this kind of internal permission is often deeply healing. Many of us have grown up in systems that ignored our instincts, disrespected our boundaries, or told us we needed to change. IFS offers something very different. It listens. It waits. It honours the pace of the system.

The trauma of not being accepted runs deep. We have been told our reactions are too much, our emotions too big, our needs too inconvenient. We have been taught to mask, comply, or disappear. IFS offers another path. It says that every part is welcome. Nothing in us needs to be erased in order to heal.

This approach feels especially important for those of us who were pathologised, coerced, or told we needed to change to be acceptable.

IFS Therapist Charlie Ingram explains:

While other therapy models are pathologising or inadvertently reinforce systems that use power over strategies (which causes moral injury for me to attempt to work in this way e.g. CBT, DBT) IFS is so ethically comfortable - Charlie Ingram

IFS makes space for a different way: one where all parts are treated with respect, and the pace is set from within. It models a way of being that is collaborative and not hierarchical. Consent is not a formality in this model. It is the foundation.

8. Closing: A Model That Feels Like Home

I never had the explicit permission to be myself and be good at what I do before. IFS has given me a framework to show up fully for my clients, which, alongside my understanding of my neurodivergence, allows me to be the best therapist I can be for my neurodivergent clients. - Jude Carn

My own view is IFS resonates with neurodivergent therapists because it does not ask us to be more or less of anything. It meets us in our complexity, our intensity, and our sensitivity, and tells us we are welcome here.

For those of us who have been told we are too much or not enough, IFS offers something else. It affirms we are already enough. What others may have framed as difficulty or disorder may simply be the brilliance of a system doing its best to survive.

IFS allows us to show up fully, not just the polished, professional parts, but the whole of us. It lets us bring our full selves into the therapy room and offers the same invitation to our clients.

For me and for many others, IFS is more than a therapy model. It is a way of working that honours our neurodivergent humanity.

If you are a neurodivergent therapist working with IFS, or curious about the model, I would love to hear your experience.

Emma is a Clinical Psychologist and IFS Therapist and gently holds multiple neurodivergent labels including AuDHD.

She warmly thanks IFS Therapists Jude Carn, Phil de la Haye, Charlie Ingram, Sarah Sproule, and Natasha Wilson for their generous sharings, insights, and the ways they’ve helped shape this conversation.